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Truth Day 4: Forgiving and Forgetting

February 13, 2011

I think it’s harder for me to forgive myself than to forgive other people.  I’m having a really hard time thinking of something really bad that I need to forgive someone for, but I guess I do need to let a few things go.  Typically, when I am upset with someone, I end up making fun of that person in little ways.  For example, whenever something goes wrong, I tend to go, “Oh, that was almost as bad as the time when…”  It’s not super malicious, but it’s not nice either.  Oops.

The one big time that I should probably let go of was the time my family hosted a foreign exchange student from France.  Let’s call said student “C.”  I was so excited that we were going to host a student, so my expectations were high.  When C showed up, we chalked her personality up to nerves and the language barrier.  But that wasn’t it at all.  First, my sister’s stuff started to disappear.  Then C whined and complained when we wouldn’t drive her to the mall (an hour away from our house) every weekend.  And then, when I didn’t think she could make herself seem any worse, she decided that it was completely acceptable to try to break my sister’s fingers in the front door so that she could get the front seat of the car on the ride to school.  Unacceptable.

For me, you don’t mess with my family.  You certainly don’t try to break someone’s fingers in a door, but when it’s my sister, oh boy.  You are are my crap list for years.  Now, this all happened when I was a senior in high school, which was about seven years ago, but I still haven’t let it go.  I know that we were younger and she has probably matured by now (hopefully), but it hurt that she would try to come into my family when our hopes were so high and dash it so quickly.  She only spent three months with us before she asked to leave and we said, “Peace out.”  I think I have a hard time letting it go because it taught me a lesson about going blindly into a situation without considering the drawbacks.  In order to get over it, I think I just have to allow myself to chalk it up to the unknown, one of those twists of fate that happened to send me a message in life.

I’ve gotten over some of it, but not all the way.  It’s still a black smudge in my whole family’s eyes, which probably won’t ever change.  Either way, I need to forgive her for what she has done and see the experience for the positives… if I can find any.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. February 15, 2011 4:39 pm

    I definitely have a harder time forgiving myself than I do others.

    And OMG, what rude behavior from that exchange student. People never cease to amaze and shock me with their bad etiquette.

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